Frequent quarrels in the relationship are forced to suffer both sides of the pair. And the thought does not rack everything to quit, so that it finally ended. But it does not make sense to change the boat, if you do not know how to control oars. So, learn to avoid conflicts and make your life happier!

High expectations

Often, one of the partners of love relationship thinks that later will cope with the lack of beloved / beloved. However, after unsuccessful attempts, it starts straining both.

Sometimes it's just enough to start taking a person as it is, and stop changing it.

Fatigue from each other

It starts when people spend a lot of time together. Then all interesting topics minimize are minimized, there are more silence, disagreements, irritation, etc. That is why psychologists sometimes advise relaxing apart from each other.

Jealousy

Justice everything seems suspicious: the second half is returned for a long time from work, call unfamiliar numbers, too frank outfit, etc.

Often eradicated this allows a large openness with such a person and the exception of those moments that are so annoyed:

• stop communicating with the opposite sex;
• together call back unfamiliar numbers;
• talk on the way home on the phone, if you hold back, etc.

Stress

They may arise in connection with Avral at work, poor well-being, misunderstanding with parents, fatigue, lack of sleep, etc. In such cases, often unreasonable criticism appears and more acute reaction to everything that happens around.

Living with such a person, you just need to gain patience and begin to take action: give more time to rest, send to treatment, help with matters.

Influence of third-party people

It happens that others are not delighted with your choice, so they try to open your eyes every way. " While you protect your beloved person in front of them, you still unconsciously start paying attention to what they were so diligently spoke. There appears irritation and frequent quarrels.

It is possible to exclude it by prohibiting the discussion of your partner, or minimize communication with unauthorized people.

What to do

Frequent quarrels are, in principle, the norm. This means that people are not indifferent to each other. And if your partner still stays with you, despite the systematic swearings, it says a lot.

Do not steal past

If you have already tried to do this, I guess you noticed how you started to react to moments, one way or another connected with the past, although they used to live and did not think about anything.

Right say: you know less - sleep hard. Forget about what was before you and do not interest it, and there will be no jealousy, nor "problems" or other "headaches." This man is already so with you. What else is needed?

Do not leave questions unresolved

It would seem that sometimes it is better to simply finish a quarrel, bringing it to "no" silence or giveaway. Indeed, this can be done, and life is much calmer. However, this applies only to those cases when you will not return to these situations.

If you would like to subsequently eliminate such actions of your partner, it is worth talking. But it should be done correctly:

• tell me about what was forced to be nervous: "I was unpleasant when you ...";
• ask for the opportunity to do not do it anymore: "Do not do so more, please, do not make me nervous";
• offer an alternative (as a person should be done, so that it does not cause any negative emotions from you).

Important!
Do not forget the proverb "Love to ride - love and sosochos to carry." This means that it is impossible to constantly ask, not giving something in return. It can be expressed in gratitude, pleasant words, care, manifestation of tenderness and willingness in response to fulfill the requests of the partner.

Forget the words "You must / should!"

No one is obliged to you. You have a man with hands, legs and brains. Even your own parents should not. Take it as proper. A person helps - well, no - well, and well, it means, cope with yourself.

A very simple solution - to replace the words "You must / should" on "I would be nice if you ...". Believe me, the effect will be completely different! A person who did not even want to do something, most likely, will go to meet you.

And do not forget about the elementary rules of ethics - consume the word "please".

Reduce the standby of expectations and requirements

Most often, the cause of frequent quarrels in the relationship becomes the fact that one of the parters requires too much, and the second cannot give it. In this case, it is worth remembering that ideal people do not happen. Therefore, it is not necessary to strive to remake a person under that it is convenient for you. It's a lot of egoist.

You know why in calm pairs quarrels much less than you? Because they do not require the boots constantly interfere with the hallway - the one who does not like it, just silently removes them; They think: if after dinner was not removed the dishes - it means that a person did not have time or mood to do it, well, or he does not bother at all.

Do not stop taking each other

Here are examples of how the worldview of a person changes with time:

• Guy - "Soul" of the company. He knows a lot of jokes, is always in a good mood, support any conversation. At first, for the girl, he is an attractive and charismatic young man who does not want to reveal his problems in humans. Then, when a couple lives together for a long time, the capricious lady begins to perceive his behavior as "shifting" and disadvantaged, which is expressed in the fact that a man does not care about everything. As a result, he begins to annoy it, so it begins to "saw".
• Girl is able to fight back, she is bright and raining. Its partner attracts it, he considers this line special, he says: "Damn it, my kitty again produces claws!". After a couple of years of living together, she becomes "a bitch, which so and wants to tame him."

So what we are ... You need to periodically return to those feelings and sensations that have arose before - at the first stage of the relationship. At a time, when all these flaws, you considered the advantages that make you smile and saying: "Well, yes, this is what he is my favorite person."

Important!
If you don't like something in a person - this is not his drawback, but your whim. What annoys you can be attractive to other people.

Learn to quarrel right

So, the quarrel begins. What often does each of the interlocutors? Begins to defend its right. And not in the very benevolent tone. Such a conversation almost never leads to anything.

There are ways to make conflict more fruitful. For this you need:

• speak only calmly;
• if you see that the interlocutor is tricked, tell me that you will not talk to him in such a tone, it is better to wait for you when you "go away";
• no need to prove your opinion, but you need to voice it and back up with the facts, arguments;
• you can not interrupt the partner, as it often annoys, which leads to a bad reaction;
• remember: it is better to be more silent than yelling and offended by the interlocutor.

Control the said

Love during a quarrel with a girl or a guy to rug and repulse a bunch of nasty? Then do not be surprised that your relationship is spoiled.

The fact is that as if you were not further on, that, they say, it was told with evil, your second half will remember all those hindy words for a long time.

After that, it is often cooling to a person, because we all want us to be guarded, and not humiliated.

Head ask

This item is very important, since, most often, it is here "the dog buried". Take a look at yourself. How you communicate? Would you like, if you were talking to you too? Not the fact that you will satisfy the answers to these questions.

Head to admit yourself, if, indeed, on your part there are claims, instructions, etc.

If this is your case, then remember:

Start communicating with the second half as you would like to communicate with you. You will see how your relationship will change! And almost immediately, as soon as you start to get it!

Most importantly - be softer. I will not like anyone when there are claims, dins, direct criticism, etc. in the conversation.

Let us give examples of the one and the same in meaning, but different words:

- Bad:"How do you cook? Well, salts are always a lot! It is impossible! "

Okay:Can I ask you next time to salute smaller? Salts, please, smaller - so, it seems to me, will be more tastier! "

- Bad:"You are so lazy that you can not even sit with the child!"

Okay:"Would you be able to sit with a child? And I would have done some things yet. And in the evening I'm not so tired, well, you understand what I am ... ".

Speak to make failures. If you got "no" in response to your request, try to understand a person why he did it. Perhaps he feels bad, promised to meet / help a friend, just tired or even thinks that this is not his duty - all this is normal explanations.

If they do not suit you, or give up, or try to act cunning. For example:

1. If the wife stopped to care, Tell her how beautiful it was before, especially in the same way, and with such a hairstyle, and as soon as she "goes out", admire her appearance, make a lot of compliments.
2. Also in the case of a man: Not everyone considers it to be normal to help his wife in the house. However, you can attract it to it. For example, rolling the dough for dumplings, ask him to help you. Its requests to be found on the fact that you have so badly, and you are a bit hard, and he is so strong and "sleeves" - it will definitely help to make perfect dumplings!

At the end, I would like to wish every reader to start applying these tips in your life. No need to be afraid to make concessions, because it is not weakness, but power, talent that can buy everyone!

And yet: before collecting things after the next quarrel, think about whether you really will be fine without this person? Is the reason why a quarrel occurs? Does she deserve your nerves?

Video: how to quarrel so as not to quarrel

Reading time: 2 min

Family quarrels belong to the annoying and inevitable misunderstanding, worsening the relationship between spouses. A quarrel may arise without a visible cause, however, it will always be a conflict open or hidden. And any conflict after heating acquires its own life. Psychologists advise if you wish to independently settle the conflict, calmly argue your opinion, since in the inability to argue your point of view, the reason for the problems in the family is hidden.

Causes of the sorry in the family

Conflectible families, a priori, does not happen. Family quarrels are the most common form of conflict. According to statistics, conflict from 100 families 85, and the rest quarrels in small different reasons. American scientists found out the nature of the family quarrels. As it turned out, women and men understand the meaning of the word "love" in different ways. And besides all this, the couple are reluctant to ask for help from psychologists and prefer their own problems with each other. Men are inserted into the concept of "love" confidence, approval, admiration, promotion, adoption and appreciation. The female floor associates with the concept of "love" tenderness, care, understanding, dedication, respect, recognition.

For each person, it is characterized by a certain style in a conflict situation. It depends on the psychological type of personality. For those who instantly flashes like a powder barrel, any trifle can serve as a reason. Such people wish to always be in the center of attention, it is characterized by a high level of impulsiveness that does not allow to keep their behavior on control. As a rule, such personals quickly depart. These people are unlockable, sufficiently open when expressing their emotions. But provoke and tease them, withdrawing to the conflict, it is not worth it. At the time of the death, as well as anger, they are impulsive and amorate to immoral actions, can hit and offend.

On the contrary, people are restrained, control the manifestation of their emotions, but in conflict situations are able to resort to threats, blackmail. Such personal personalities do not forgive, and also openly warn about it, while the revenge they carry long enough and always carry out the conceived. For such people inherent to the mania of persecution, conspiracies are mercifully merged against them, the intrigations of intrigue wonder. These personalities are dangerous.

Third type - conflict. Often they are unstable in their opinions and estimates, easily inspired, do not have enough will. Their behavior largely depends on the opinions of others and moves an excessive desire to compromise. From the foregoing it follows that the outcome of a quarrel in the family depends on the psychological type of personality.

The reasons for the sorry in the family allocate the following:

Difficult solid material problems;

Intimate disharmony of partners;

Material dependence on one of the family members;

Pathological jealousy;

The opposite of aspirations, interests, value orientations of family members;

Intervention of relatives in family affairs;

Struggle for leadership in the family;

The opposite of housekeeping views, as well as participation in the process;

Limitation of self-expression and freedom of action of one of the family members;

Alcoholism of one of the family members;

Monotonous life and boredom;

Disagreements in matters of raising children.

Quarrels in the family are distinguished by the form of leakage. For some, the increased emotionality of the parties is characteristic, for other different speed of development, the third is different form of confrontations (insults, reproaches, threats, scandals). Mutual concessions, reconciliation, divorce and agreements are performing methods for solving scandals.

Frequent quarrels in the family lead to severe social consequences and often tragic cases. The reason also frequent quarrels in the family is that for many years one of the spouses is trying to perseverally releasing its half. According to statistics in two cases, a wife acts out of three provocateur scandals. The researchers came to the conclusion that frequent quarrels are due to female memory features, for which the chartiness is characteristic, the ability to hold all the details of the offense, as well as chagrins. If there is a similar occasion and former unpleasant experiences, resentment pop up with a new force. If the quarrels in the family, as you think, are inevitable, try to hold them in all the rules.

Quarrels in the family - what to do?

Initially, think about today for a quarrel, if you start somewhat immediately, it will not be any sense. When finding out family relationships, make sure that there are no other family members next. Do not arrange a quarrel when your half rests, eats, washed. Do not attack the spouse in an enclosure of anger, originally cool. Use only specific phrases: "Your behavior upset me," "I counted on your support," avoid meaningless phrases, like "It's impossible to live with you." Always express your claims clearly and clearly, wait for the answer. Do not blame your half in physical disabilities, do not go to insult his / her parents, do not remind of past failures. If necessary, recognize your wrong, because your repentance today will allow you to open the way to repentance tomorrow your satellite. Never leave to the deaf defense, playing in the "silence". Without giving out our emotions, and not expressing your claims to the partner, you suffer much more than those people who produce couples.

How to avoid quarrels in the family?

One of the reasons for the sorry family is not understanding. Women are often offended by men due to insufficient attention. If a man is uneconomical and calm, then the woman seems to be despicable to her. In order not to be quarrels in the family, it is important to learn to avoid them. Control yourself, feel the face of a possible conflict and do not cross it. In time stopping, the dispute will not go to the quarrel.

If the family is permanent quarrels due to life, then try to negotiate everything immediately. Initially, make a list of important cases, discuss them and go to the discussion of the little things. For example, do all the details of the arrangement in the house, leisure, distribution of economic duties: washing dishes, cleaning. If you can't call the spouse to the conversation, the pedantric women are painfully recorded, such as alleged purchases or a possible design of the house, upcoming events and are discussing with their half. With a reasonable approach, everything is solved.

Avoid quarrels in the family is possible if you try to understand your spouse. Find out the details of your halm childhood. Will be wondering the experiences of your spouse in the present. Maybe for the spouse it is important to speak and explain. When defending the interests of both spouses, the scandal becomes almost inevitable. Therefore, learn how to keep yourself in your hands, weigh all the circumstances. Whatever a quarrel and her occasion, try to always keep yourself in your hands. Of course, the insult after the sandale will be present, however, you save the family, understanding and calm. Someone in a family quarrel must be wiser, let it be! And what to do if the quarrel is not avoided? It is necessary to learn to quarrel in such a way that at their end, a family life is not over.

Methods to overcome the prolonged quantity:

Find time for conversation;

It is necessary to prepare the conditions so that no one distracts you;

The discussion of the problem begins with such a phrase: "Our problem arose because of different points of view ..." Or "tell me how you see the situation ...";

Listen to the spouse carefully and patiently, not allowing the will with emotions and irritation;

Your task to change the position of the spouse "I am against you" to the position "We are against the problem" and of course to personally take this position;

Discuss the solution to your problem that will satisfy both sides;

Concludes an agreement in which it will be announced that everyone does to solve a common problem.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "Plyomed"

When two love each other and want to be together, it is not surprising that they are experiencing due to conflict arising between them. Regular scandals, and even often on trifles, wash both both family happiness threaten. Are the norm of a quarrel in the relationship between a man and a woman, how to turn them into a constructive dialogue and what kind of reconciliation method is correct - psychology is answered for all these painful questions.

Quarrels in relationships is ok?

First you need to stop believing in myths, which firmly sat down in the minds of many people.

Myth 1. without quarrels there is no relationship

On this topic, there are many sayings like "Relationship without quarrels - that soup without salt." This common myth soothes, as it inspires the idea that this is the norm that your couple is not the only one and with anyone you start to meet, collisions are inevitable.

In fact, about 18% of couples do not quarrel. On the one hand, this is a minor digit. On the other hand, it destroys the myth that it is impossible to build relations without scandals. However, it is worth seeking such a peaceful coexistence in more detail for the reasons:

• 10% of steam will not quarrel due to the fact that behind their shoulders more than 10 years of joint residence;
• 3% are not seen in this sense, because both of them for some reason are beneficial to these relationships, and they closes their eyes to the rest (marriages by calculation);
• 5% are, rather, the exception: people with similar views on life have come together in these pairs, both calm, wise and not conflict.

Another point. It is not always worth believing those who are deliberately convinced of the absence of quarrels with the second half. Perhaps they simply do not want to endure these problems to everyone's review and try to support the status of respectable and peaceful relations.

Case from practice. A young man tried in vain to build relationships with girls. Each time, frequent quarrels and irreconcilable conflicts have become the cause of separation. He began to visit a psychologist and after some time reported that he found the only one who did not suit him hysteria, did not jumped on trifles, did not put forward impossible requirements. Happiness lasted for long: after a year and a half he found out that all this time she changed him, and he lived with him because of the apartment in which they lived together. And no complaints presented at a single reason: she did not love him, and she didn't care where he, with whom and why does not make it compliments.

Myth 2. Quarrels strengthen relationships

Yes, in psychology there are arguments confirming this:

• after them, it becomes calmer after them, because the resentment was expressed;
• they show that both partners are imperfect;
• this reason to think about the adequacy and reality of their desires and claims;
• prevention of egocentrism: It is in quarrels that people understand that the second also has the right to defend its interests;
• both know what the second half thinks about them.

Despite all the arguments, not always the quarrels strengthen the Union of two hearts. If they arise once a month and their reason is not in a salary, but in serious situations, they can benefit. The emission of adrenaline, the presentation of its point of view, listen to the partner, the permission of the problem is all necessary for building a good quality relationship. But, if stormy scandals with shouts on the whole house occur almost daily, and the reason for them is a space abandoned look to the side or a five-minute delay at work, they do not carry anything good.

Calculate for yourself that quarrel quarrels. If partners can restrain their emotions and are aimed at preserving relations, they will carry rational and useful grains. If scandals are accompanied by screams, hysterics, fights, it often becomes the cause of parting.

Stumbling stumbling stumbling

If your goal is to get rid of quarrels in a relationship, you need to sit down and discuss with a partner, which most often becomes their cause. According to psychologists, in each pair they are the same:

• jealousy, lack of attention, treason, flirt, lack of romance;
• different characters, temperaments, lifestyles, views, political beliefs, social statuses, interests;
• qUESTIONS Raising children, relationships with parents;
• household, financial, housing problems;
• dependencies: alcoholic, narcotic, game;
• dissatisfaction in bed.

After the main stumbling stumbling stumbling stumbling stumbling stumblingsets, try to find out their size.

There are large, on which the further fate of the couple depends. For example, to forgive a partner after treason. In this case, you need to sit for a serious and constructive dialogue, during which three questions are quietly discussed:

1. What does a partner want?
2. What do you want?
3. How to combine these desires?

If it is impossible to come to the consensus yourself, resolve the conflict peaceful way and psychologists will help stop quarrels.

There are smaller stones that exhaust no less large. These trivia seems to someone who does not turn off the light in the toilet in the evening or why he greeted some girl on the street. If such collisions occur often and poured into large scandals, you need to sit down and write rights and obligations in relationships. Up to funny: I check before bedtime, if the light is turned off everywhere, and you, in turn, do not look at other girls. Believe me, it seems absurd only from the side. In fact, when everything is painted, conflicts will become less.

8 common causes of family quarrels and detailed instructions, what to do. About it - .

Line of behavior during a quarrel

It is impossible to predict everything. Even if you settled the main causes of the quarrel, no one is insured against unforeseen circumstances. If the scandal still flared up, try to behave correctly:

• do not Cry;
• do not smooth hands;
• do not insult the partner, do not remember the past;
• do not ignore his words, do not interrupt;
• do not throw things, do not bother dishes;
• do not involve a third party into conflict;
• not blackmaid by phrases of the type "I'm leaving", "I apply for divorce."

If the situation comes out of control, you need to calmly, but firmly say that you do not intend to endure it more and resume the conversation only after the storm subsides. The second scenario is to come to your loved one, hug and ask for forgiveness.

It happens so that it is incredibly difficult to restrain. Especially when an endless stream and reproaches are borne in your address. In order not to fall to the same and do not break when the nerves are already at the limit, it is better to break the plate.

Some more advice from psychologists, how to behave during a quarrel with your loved one:

• look into his eyes, do not lose sighting;
• say "we" instead of "me" or "you";
• ask questions that he / she feels, wants;
• listen to the end;
• try to catch the rhythm of his breath and breathe with him to unison - so you can calm him down, subordinate to your more measured tact.

The wiser you will behave during conflict, the softer they will flow and the faster end. This will save healthy relationships and avoid separation.

Case from practice. She is a doctor. He is a man since childhood suffering from increased blood pressure. Quarrel often. Since while the experiencing of strong negative emotions in the body, the hormones of stress will be released, he joked a pressure, he began to break the head, he became bad. She, seeing him in such a state, tried to stop the scandals, but he did not get down. In the end, she found a way out how to cool it at such moments in the literal and figurative sense: he wrapped in cold water towel and made him compresses on his forehead and wrists. The quarrel ended for 5 minutes.

Reconciliation

If the scandal has already happened, the question always arises, as after a quarrel to return the previous relationship. The truce will depend on how much it is necessary to each partner. If you want both, it will be rapid and non-flammable. If someone is coming to contact, in the end it will be bored with him - parting is inevitable. If both are too proud to ask for forgiveness, the rupture will occur soon.

What can be done to resume relationships after a quarrel:

• ask for forgiveness (if you are guilty);
• quietly discuss the painful problem, find a solution and no longer return to it;
• arrange a conciliatory dinner;
• to seek a partner with a pleasant news so that he forget about the quarrel: "I am pregnant", "marry me", "I bought a chinchilla," "I love you" (if it is the first recognition in love);
• make a gift (from elementary, but romantic daisies to iPhone the last model);
• write an SMS or note, record a video.

In fact, reconciliation methods are a huge amount. When choosing, many factors are identified:

1. Partner's character: Someone will put out only after a gorgeous bouquet, and someone has enough compliment.
2. The age of the relationship: young needs a romance with dinner on the roof, and older people can reconcile and for a cup of tea with bagels.
3. The degree of guilt: For the broken Vase, you can simply ask for forgiveness, but for a distant bumper, the husband's favorite "swallows" will be clearly not enough.
4. Range of a quarrel: If it was just an argument on elevated colors, it is easier to make it easier and faster, and after the scandal who heard all the neighbors, you need some time to calm down.

Wanting to resume relationships, consider all these moments. Remember that every couple is unique. What worked as Vicky with Vasya may be absolutely useless in your case. Look for optimal ways, but never tighten with a truce. A day - the maximum that the person came to himself calmed down and was ready for the construction of bridges.

Prevention

In order not to bring the case to scandals, psychologists give advice, how to avoid quarrels in the relationship:

• communicate: talk to each other every day so that there are not unexplored stains on the map of your relationship;
• conduct leisure together: go beyond the city, go to the movies, attend the exhibitions, make a common circle of friends - no strength will remain on a quarrel;
• learn each other, ask questions about what someone likes and on the contrary - to do it throughout life;
• feel free to show love to each other, do gifts more often and speak compliments;
• be honest, even if the truth is unpleasant;
• when you have become a serious problem, it is better to seek help to a third party (the optimal option is to a psychologist).

Private cases

• Frequent quarrels in relationships

What if the quarrels are permanent? Psychologists advise partners to break up for 2-3 days and comprehend, you need these relationships or not. If you miss you pulls you to each other, it means that it makes sense to work on a joint future. If everyone quietly stands out this pause and does not seek to resume the previous connection, you do not need to deceive yourself: sooner or later, but the gap will happen.

• First quarrels

The first quarrel in relations is especially hard. Everything seems to it romantic and fabulous: your pair is just perfect, and there are no reasons for scandals. But a turning point may occur at any moment. As a rule, some trifle becomes the cause. Most often, everything ends with sweet reconciliation, but sometimes it gives the first crack. Partners begin to understand that their relationship is not perfect. And in a conflict situation, they see each other in the new capacity. Not cute smiling fluffy bunnies, and offended, angry and crying.

The main thing is to make the right conclusions: if a man, sparkling, hit his woman, should not continue such relationships. Or if the guy caught a girl on treason, let even meet only a month, - such a union has no future.

Quarrels at the beginning of relationships remove pink glasses and return to reality. However, it is necessary to start building a joint future. The bouquet-candidate period cannot last forever, it is necessary to move to the next, more serious stage. And sometimes it is conflicts that help it.

• Quarrels in relationships at a distance

Many consider it one of the greatest situations. After a quarrel with a loved one, when he is in hundreds or thousands of kilometers from you, many ways of reconciliation are inaccessible. Neither the bouquet does not give, nor in the restaurant do not go, nor hug and kiss. In addition, offended half may not take the phone with enviable perseverance, not to respond to SMS, not to go into Skype. All this is very annoying.

On the other hand, consider the pros. First, most often the quarrel occurs on the phone, so the maximum that you can do is shout on each other, offend words. But there will be no beating of dishes, manscript and eradicated from the malice of persons. Secondly, if the relationship is actually important, you can always take a ticket for the weekend and go away to your beloved person, make an unexpected surprise. From such a method of reconciliation wrestling anyone.

Relationships of men and women - a boat moving along the river. Stones, thresholds, bad weather will always interfere with her calm swimming. Salvation depends on the competent joint management of it. Therefore, learn to work with weselves and do not allow it to turn over.

Conflicts and their constructive resolution is the only way to achieve harmony in a pair. Find out what you can purchase if you stop avoiding quarrels.
1. You will begin to trust each other anymore.
Conflicts that cannot be solved quickly, suggest such horror for many couples that they prefer them to avoid them by any ways. People such quarrels are fatal for relationships. And completely in vain.

Attention! Only if you manage to talk, without moving to individuals, but at the same time not suppressing your emotions, but on the contrary, making them accessible to the partner, such a quarrel will only strengthen your relationship. You will understand it when the storm will go.
Having survived one quarrel, you will be less afraid of the following. You will become more trusting a partner and yourself, knowing that you can easily cope with possible disagreements. As a result, you will not postpone complex conversations with half to the latter. You will understand that it is better not to save negative emotions, but as soon as possible to figure out what's wrong.
2. After a quarrel, you will feel much better.
Thus, if you manage to express your emotions and release steam, you get rid of stress, anxiety and fear. It will positively affect both your mental health and physical.
Of course, this does not mean that you need to merge all your toxic thoughts on a partner. Although sometimes it is better to express everything that boils how to keep it inside and wait until everything is formed by itself.
Greg Goek, author of the book Love: The Course The Forgot to Teach You in School, believes that the golden rule of ethics rarely works in real quarrels. Too careful conversation will not lead to anything. Therefore, sometimes it is better to release all emotions in order to finally understand what the matter is.
The only rule that is to stick to the quarrels is not to beat the partner and not to throw in it difficult objects. Otherwise - Forward: Shackle, clap the doors, swear the last words. Do anything if you feel that it will help.
Greg Goek.
3. The partner learns about your thoughts and feelings.
No matter how close, your partner cannot read your thoughts. He probably simply does not recognize how much the topic hurts you.
At the same time, the question arises: how to convey your thoughts to a partner so that he perceive them correctly and was not offended? Especially if these are some complaints about it. How not to introduce it to the despondency to your discontent?
Try not to blame, but talk about your feelings, about how the behavior of the partner is reflected in you. Psychologists call it me - statements. For example, you can say: "I'm already fooling your work throat." I am a statement that transmits the same thought, it will sound like this: "I am very frustrating that you often come back home late. I would like to spend more time together."
It is said that the quarrels show all our worst features. But they can also detect our best qualities if we can handle them with their most severe part.
4. You will be closer.
During the quarrel, you find out what is important for your partner that he loves what he wants, how builds the borders, as far as he is flexible, that he is wounded and what he needs to feel better.
In the event that you were collapsed due to the fact that your half scatches socks around the apartment, it can be completely different. Perhaps the reason lies in respect and personal space, and not in accuracy.
Greg Goek.
There is another fact that can not be mentioned. Sex after waving almost any quarrel standing. And he will also make you closer to each other. In all senses.
5. You will understand that your half is a separate person.
Quarrels very quickly dispel the illusion that you have already merged into one whole and achieved complete mutual understanding. Even well, if this never happens. So you can learn all your life from new sides.
6. You will become better.
You learn to focus on the most important thing. That your half is very important to you and you want a close man to be happy. So you become more patient, understanding and caring, learn to truly love.
When you are in the epicenter of a quarrel, you are clearly not up to fun. You feel disgusting. In some sense, sports training resembles. Will the gym sweat always nice? Not. But you pour your weak points.
Greg Goek.
Quarrel - it means to kill the sword out of the steel. Only after quenching, after repeated immersion in the grilled oil and cold water will be a product of art that can survive any tests. Just with your union.
7. You will understand that you do not need to be perfect.
Quarrels show that you are just a person. Sometimes you are in a bad mood, sometimes overcome you stress, and sometimes you are simply tired. Accordingly, your relationship cannot be perfect.
All your inner cockroaches you are aware or not aware, in close relationships will be given yourself to know. It's unavoidable.
During a quarrel into interaction, our inner children enter. They are vulnerable and irrational. You seem to be two or three years again. Therefore, when you hurt, remember that it makes a child. To do this, you can keep your loved one at your hand. Hedi Schloifer, licensed psychologist - consultant, director of the Center for Relationship Therapy.

Permanent quarrels in relationships. Why arise quarrels.

What you quarrel says that you don't care what happens between you. You are still not indifferent to each other. Otherwise, you would not respond so violently on what is happening, there would be no groove of passions. However, the quarrel says that there is not everything between you is so perfect and smooth, as I would like. There is a certain problem that is the cause of conflict.

A quarrel indicates a change in the situation and that your relationships are developing in a pair. It is controversial issues and conflict situations that arise between loving people forcing them together to seek a solution to the problem, try to change and become better to keep their love.

Thanks to quarrels that ended with reconciliation, and conflicts, of which the joint efforts managed to find a way out, couples raise their relations to a new level. Such shakes are a kind of verification on the strength of feelings for a couple that wants to be together.

Why arise quarrels in relationships

Sometimes conflict situations may arise if people are already in bad mood before the quarrel or in a negative state after the working day, exhaustion. Also, the cause of its occurrence may be lack of understanding on the other side.

For example, the wife is waiting for her husband that he, after he will wash the dishes and takes off the table, but he does not do it, a conflict may arise. If the wife's employment and with a good mood, everything will cost, and she herself can remove it, but otherwise it seems to be a trifle, and a reason or reason for a quarrel can already appear.

Conflict situations are almost constantly evoked emotionally. Sometimes in a strong quarrel that began with a small one, at the end, they can be spoken or unpleasant phrases like "I regret that I met you!", "How could I afford to become part of my life?!" Not even noticing, you can express all the boiled and painful for several years. As a result, discomfort is obtained, the mood is spoiled, the nerves are battered, and there are no conclusions, and this is the worst outcome of a quarrel.

Such situations may occur also from those couples who love each other very much. This kind of quarrel cause only harm to relationships, and there are practically no results. From this can be separated differently: within an hour or in a few weeks. But, unfortunately, the fact of a quarrel can manifest itself and after a while. There are certain rules for a quarrel to minimal damage for both.

1. Quarrel, if already originated, should have a significant cause. In the example, it would be possible to simply answer: "I don't like that you don't wash the dishes after yourself and do not remove from the table."

2. When mutual deviation from the topic of a quarrel is better to stop doing this.

3. Indicate deficiencies exactly not worth it, for example, the words "Sneak, inattentive, non-serious," because there is a discussion of the problem, and not the nature of a person.

4. It is worth thinking about the fact that if the cleanliness is important for one, it may not be particularly important for another.

5. Under no circumstances to scare for short counties from the apartment because the little thing can cause a divorce.

It is impossible to live life without quarrels. We will quarrel with friends, parents and partner. There is nothing wrong with the conflict, for it often leads to solving problems and cleans the atmosphere: "After the thunderstorm, the sun always comes." It is important, however, to be able to argue constructively, that is, lead open, honest discussion, without screaming and violence.

But how to argue calmly, when the negative emotions "are tormented from the inside"?

The quarrel at the beginning creates anger, disagreement with the current situation. Do not suppress bad emotions in yourself, because they will, in the end, will find a way out and will break out with a double force in the least suitable moment.

Depressed anger is a destructive force that carries a big energy charge. This energy can, however, be directed to creative and useful actions, for example, when you feel that anger takes up, go on a jog in the park, remove the houses, shake the carpets, go to the pool. Do something that will not allow anger to destroy your relationship.

At the beginning of the development of relations, it is impossible to predict everything, so men and women face various difficulties. It seems that everything is wonderful, but after a few days misunderstandings begin, disputes, and then scandals. This is due to the fact that all people are different, and in a relationship with another person have to be reckoned with his desires and principles.

But not everyone got used to put up, to give up and understand, so quarrels occur at the beginning of the relationship. Sometimes it ends with reconciliation and awareness of errors by each of the partners, but it happens that the couples are disintegrating. In this case, much depends on the woman itself, which can approach the situation as much as possible and wisely. It is much easier to interrupt the relationship than to come up with a strategy to communicate with your loved one and find a mutual understanding with him. If you want to solve the problem, and not run away from it, then read the recommendations below.

Why do quarrels occur at the beginning of relationships?

Many are wondering about why quarrels are taking place at the very beginning of relations, and how long they will continue. In fact, this is quite normal, because two absolutely different people want to start a joint life. Do not forget that men and women are very different both externally and thinking, so you should not hope that your loved one will ideally understand you in everything.

First, pay attention to the fact that at the beginning of the relationship occurs with the characters, therefore, in this case, the quarrels are inevitable. Someone conflict is very little, and someone cannot understand the parquet, as a result of which quarrels occur. For example, you like to take a hot bath, and your young man is a refreshing cool shower.

In this case, the question arises regarding the purchase of plumbing, so sometimes you need to look for the most acceptable options for two. Many quarrels occur exclusively at the initial stage of relationships, because later people get used to each other and soberly appreciate everything and against. If this person is fits perfectly, then after a small amount of time you will find a common language and stop quarrel on trifles. If nothing changes between you, think about whether the person is next to you.

Maybe stop relationships because of a quarrel?

It often happens that the strength to endure a loved one is already simply not left and the only logical option seems to be parting. This is a completely logical solution to the problem, but did you think about what is the probability that with another man you will not have exactly the same? Psychologists say that in order for the relationship between a man and a woman was high-quality and normal to wait for the initial stage. But many lack patience, which leads to parting.

Try not to pay attention to quarrels and scandals, wait until the relationship between you is normalized. Do not forget that you can interrupt the relationship at any moment convenient for you. If you want to meet or live with your former beloved again, it is unlikely that you will have everything. Try to go through this difficult for both of the stage, because if you want to be together, you will have to learn how to deal with difficulties. In this case, you should not listen to mom or girlfriends, because they do not know all the features of the relationship between you, and with our advice only tender.

How to do with quarrels in new relationships?

If you do not know how to stop endless quarrels and scandals try to find the most alternative methods. For example, stop anything to prove to your partner. This may be a dispute about who is being prepared for dinner today, and maybe you want a favorite to stop exercise your softness in certain life situations. Therefore, first of all you will need to work on yourself.

As soon as you work out the unwillingness to go to the dispute, then notice that the man also stopped proveing \u200b\u200bhis right thing. Do not allow yourself to raise your voice, because it erends a huge wall between you. Any misunderstanding is discussed by a quiet calm voice, trying to find a compromise.

Learn to respect someone else's space. Even before the start of the relationship, each of you had freedom, personal interests and hobbies that made you happy. After people create couples appear a desire to control the partner and choose joint leisure yourself. It is not worth doing this, because you violate the feeling of internal comfort in your loved one and provoke a new quarrel.

Try to understand that a happy relationship is the ability to love, understand and appreciate the partner and his interests, regardless of your mood or principles. When you want to make some kind of act, focus on how you would like to treat you your favorite.

Each family has problems and often conflict situations occur. This is due to the fact that all people are different and sometimes thoughts about one or another do not coincide. So the conflict arises. If a married couple is familiar, you should not be discouraged that the family disintegrates. Conflicts are a normal phenomenon, and it is worth worrying if they are not, because it means that people accumulate all negative energy and keep it in themselves. In this case, sooner or later, emotions will come out and everything will end pretty badly.

In family conflicts there are many positive sides. Firstly, the quarrels teach spouses to be patient to each other, listen to the opinion of their halves, so after a burst of emotions, the spouses become calmer.

Secondly, family quarrels further fasten the relationship between spouses. If the husband and wife often quarrel, then this is a sign that their feelings have not yet cooled, they still love each other and are not indifferent to their halves. A quarrel teaches to analyze his behavior, its own character and improve as a person.

Also, the family conflict helps to solve that problem, due to which the quarrel began. If the problem is not discussed, it will not go anywhere. Therefore, dialogue, albeit at elevated colors, is better.

But there are a number of negative sides in the quarrel. Very often, family quarrels are advertised. This is a huge mistake, because the family is a separate planet, where there is no place for someone else's people. Family conflicts must occur inside the family, and no one has the right to poke their nose there.

Sometimes it happens that children are witnesses from married scandals. This can not be allowed. First, the child forms a poor opinion about parents, and secondly, this is a very negative psychological factor.

Often in a quarrel wife or husband may insult their half. This is another negative side of family conflicts. It is very difficult to control itself at such moments, but it is simply necessary to do, because insults spoken in the hearts can make it very painful and cut into memory.

It is not worth a quarrel to compare your half with someone from friends. This is a big mistake that forms certain complexes in the personality, and it can also be the reason for a single conflict.

Whatever it was, you should always think about your half, respect and love it, then the family will be strong and no quarrels will destroy it.

g. SWARA, disagreement, discord, pars, (cross), tapping, fever, goats, nonladudi, disorder, dislike, retail, pegs; Antipol. Peace, Lad, friendship, consent. Quarrels yes Reta, Swarpets Yes Kozny. Wherever it comes, the quarrel will start. He is with all in a quarrel. We are in a quarrel, do not bow. All sorts of quarrels of the world. The quarrel does not bring to good. Quarrel in his family to first sight. Kids for toys, uterus (for them) in a quarrel. | See also Suitor and litter. Quorry, to a quarrel relating. Sorsorous, grumpy, daddy, peep. -The property is. Clear someone with whom, to settle the discord, to be a reason for whose quarrel, disagreement, tapping. Oh, with whom, to reckon, scold, make up, welcome, rally, to enjoy. God forbid to quarrel, but God forbid and put up! They quarreled because of the trifles. The whole family was remearing. Slap all evening. Rail and diverged. SSOR. Action. Along the verb., Quarrel. Sorsor, "Woman who quorits others or generally excites, incites quarrels. And he sends to prison, Vasili, driven thieves and earns and sporchers, acts.

There are many ways to prevent permanent quarrels in relationships, but do we always use these advice? Permanent quarrels in relationships are not normal. If you see that the quarrels are not stopped, then you should look at the proposed ways to stop this eternal struggle and start enjoying each other's company again. Remember that mostly quarrels occur when misunderstanding appears.

1. Do not twist the past

This is a huge step, and you just need to learn this. I would say that this is a key point if you want to stop constant quarrels. Stop turning the past! The past is the past, and the more you will remember, the more the quarrels will arise. The memories often cause many old emotions, and this will never affect our present relationship.

2. Do not leave questions unresolved

I know that it is difficult, and you probably have been heard about it more than once, but so far the problem is not solved and you feel offended or anger, you should not go to bed with these emotions. It can make you be offended even more, and the quarrel will delay for a long time. Why not solve the problem before going to bed, or at least talk on this topic so that both feel better?

3. Learn to take each other

Each in this world has its shortcomings with whom you will have to face and put up with some of them. You need to take each other as you are. Your boyfriend never comes home with a bouquet of flowers, and your girlfriend is constantly whining, but this is what you need to teach to take.

4. Find out the root of the problem

Each quarrel has its beginning and its root. If you find out what is the reason for this quarrel, then you can solve this problem and get rid of the extra quarrels. It will not be easy, but it is worth it!

5. Welite

One of my biggest problems is that when I start quarreling, I stop controlling myself and cannot stop. It is difficult to recognize that you are not right, or take the guilt. However, do it at least once. After all, this is the right decision that will make your partner appreciate you even more.

6. Ban on "But"

"But if you did it," but if you did something, "this is enough" but ", eliminate it from your vocabulary and forget that it exists. Previously, I very often used this "but", and as soon as I got rid of him, all the quarrels stopped lasting for so long. So curb your tongue!

7. Is this a repeated "performance"?

This question constantly pops up, and a quarrel is tied every time? Same thing again and again? You did not think it is a sign? If your quarrel rotates around one definite question, why not sit down and calmly do not discuss and forever stop constant quarrels in the same matter?

8. Remember that this is important.

Finally, never forget that your relationship is very important, and they need to be treated. After all, you are not just like that together. It's hard to remember about it when you quarrel, but it is so important!

Permanent quarrels with a guy. Instruction

1. Stop quarrel with beloved much easier than it may seem. To begin with, accept "Preventive measures". To stop quarrel with a guy, learn to keep a constructive dialogue. Learn to listen and hear your beloved, as well as explain your position, without moving to individuals, without giving will their emotions. Learn to the same your boyfriend.

2. To stop quarrel with a guy, be prepared to make compromises. It is impossible to have the same point of view on all issues, also the interests of lovers will not always coincide. Therefore, the search for the third option, which will arrange both lovers, can be a good output from any conflict situation.

3. Stop quarrel with loved on, learning to discuss problems and compromise will be easier. But sometimes emotions literally overlook, not allowing well to think about behavior strategy. If you are ready to break on your boyfriend, try to take emotions under control. Try the technique of deep slow breathing, count to ten. During this time, emotions will be sick a little, and you can understand that a calm discussion will give you much more than screams and mutual reproaches.

4. It is possible to stop quarrel with a guy, if sometimes give to cool and him. If you have learned your emotions to control, then your guy may not have such a skill. If this is the case, and your favorite starts "with the floor of turning," let him cool off his heat. Sometimes it is useful to translate the conversation to another topic. Throwing emotions, you can make your problems much more efficiently.

5. To stop quarrel with your beloved, learn to switch and joke. Psychologists have proven that humor and aggression is incompatible. Starting laughing, you can no longer quarrel with each other. And calming down, you can proceed to the discussion of the situation. Sometimes instead of humor you can use tenderness and affection. Any guy will not be able to resist such weapons in women's hands.

note

After some time, the "right" behavior, lovers get used to this order of things. If first time such communication is hardly given, then, with time, you will be better to use these skills in the resolution of your conflicts.

Helpful advice

If the quarrel still happened, apologize to each other. And after a while, try to resolve the problem in a relaxed atmosphere.

Video quarrels in relationships

Quarrels in the family, unfortunately not uncommon. Why do they occur? After all, it is hardly someone likes to swear. In this article we will consider the main reasons due to which quarrels in the family occur.

It is not necessary to attend all the reasons, but what they are more, the more often the quarrels become longer. So, let's begin.

Causes of the sorry in the family:

Feeling of own importance and quarrels in the family

One of the main reasons for any quarrel is a sense of self-important. What does this mean? This means that a person believes that his position is the only true and begins to fall into anger, when something happens not as he wants.

This feeling has several interesting varieties that we will look at.

Tendency to charge

The sense of own importance makes a person confident that he can judge someone. A person climbs on the pedestal of infallibility and begins to look toward other people's misses.

For example, a wife dropped (or husband) to the floor to the floor, how suddenly the spouse explodes with indignation: "Can not be careful!". He or she begins to feel the perturbation from the fact that another person is not ideal enough.

Even if something accidental happens, in which no one is to blame, then a person with a sense of its importance begins to look for the guilty. And, of course, this is always another person.

Of course, it is not too nice to hear unfair accusations to my address too much and then he begins to defend themselves. Sometimes just in a word, and sometimes an emotionally charged speech.

Then the prosecutor begins to feel even greater indignation. After all, it is not enough that someone made slip, so also considers himself right!

So, the word for the word, there is a strongest quarrel. At the same time, both feel right. One feels right because in his opinion he had the right to judge, and the other feels right because he did not agree with his own right to judge him.

Inability to negotiate and compromise

Because of the sense of own importance, other quarrels in the family occur. For example, its consequence may be inability to negotiate. It often happens that different people have different points of view. If a person feels infallible, he will never make a compromise. Always should be only on it and nothing else.Alien view and pennies are not worth it.

What does it come out? Another person agrees once, the second, and then he begins to think, why am I always inferior? Then another person begins to defend his interests, his right to his own opinion.

Then, a person with a sense of own importance feels anger that another person defends the "wrong point of view." A quarrel happens again. Only one beats for the truth, as he understands it, and the other for the right to his own opinion. Of course, with such a setulation of the position of the quarrel will only increase. Or there may be a situation that one of the people will "come." However, it will not win, but will be just mine in the relationship, because Nothing but offend it will not leave.

Disagreement with roles in the family

Another reason for quarrels is disagreement with role roles. What does it mean? This means that one family member is waiting for a certain social role from another, which he does not want to play. For example, a husband can wait from his wife that she will play the role of "cleaners", and that may not categorically agree with such a question.

Or the graceful son can start demanding that they no longer belong to him as a child. This, by the way, the so-called teenage crisis, when children cease to play the role of "subordinates" and begin to rebel in every way until they consider that they wanted a new role.

When there is no clarity and consent in the family who will play what role, quarrels are inevitably occur. Why? They occur because it is inevitably it turns out that someone does not fulfill their duties.

How does this manifest in life? For example, a man has a certain idea about how the wife should behave. It may be an opinion from the parent family, or an honorable of books. Suppose he believes that the wife should prepare, clean, follow the children and do not work (pseudo-patrilarchy option). A woman can have a completely different opinion on the account that she should. As we see, it is an excellent soil for quarrels.

And I do not say that some roles are bad, but some good. I only say that family members must be agree with them. Roles can be very bunciful, but if family members take them, then the quarrel will not be.

Inability to talk and listen

This item is the cause and at the same time a logical continuation of previous points. It is built on the following question: "How can family members learn about each other's expectations if they won't talk them?".

The ability to create a pleasant atmosphere for such conversations is art. It is important to be able to just listen to without the ideas of another family member, as everything should be.

Unfortunately, disagreement with roles creates prerequisites for the quarrel, and the sense of importance in herself blocks negotiations on this topic. Accordingly, the reasons for the quarrel are not allowed and the quarrels in the family do not subside.